How can adults help children after trauma?

Remember that for you to be there for other people you first need to be there for yourself. Nurture yourself and allow yourself to experience and process the feelings you have.

The basics

• Learn about children's normal reactions to trauma and difficult events.
• A child needs good sleep, good nutrition, and exercise to cope with stress.
• Nurture your child and let them feel safe at home.
• Ensure physical and mental intimacy with the child, both from you and family and friends.
• The best thing you can do is talk to your child in a clear and honest manner.

Let the child express themselves in their own way

• Let the child express themselves in many ways, like through games or art.
• It is normal if the child reenacts the event in play or draws it. That is how children often process difficult things.
• Try to talk about the incident with the child. If they don't want to discuss it, respect it.
• Ask the child what they know about the incident and if they have any specific questions for you.
• Be an active listener.
• Let their questions guide the conversation. Don't give speeches or pretend to know everything.
• Give words to the feelings the child describes (anxiety, fear, worry, restlessness, sadness, powerlessness...)
• Confirm that the emotions the child is experiencing are normal.
• Use simple words and phrases that don't have multiple meanings. For example, don't say "fall asleep" to describe death. That can cause the child to fear falling asleep or fear that others will fall asleep.
• Make sure your child understands the things you tell them.
• Your child may ask you the same questions repeatedly, and that's normal.

Build your child's sense of security

• Try to keep calm and stability in the home.
• Be alert if the child has questions or wants to talk.
• Be present and don't get annoyed if the child needs more intimacy than usual.
• Maintain daily routines. Being able to know when mealtimes are and what is expected of the child at home helps them feel safe.
• Let your child make certain decisions for themselves. For example, if they don't want to go to a gathering, let them stay at home.
• Schedule time for you and your child, and others, to spend time together.
• Tell the child that they can always come to you with their concerns.

Protect the child from excess stimuli

• It is important to respond to events in a calm manner.
• Try your best to stay calm, even though your feelings are as normal as theirs. Strong reactions can contribute to a child's insecurity, fear and powerlessness.
• Remember that children listen. Conversations between adults about news and events often become exaggerated and overly negative. Children don't need to hear that.
• Stop discussions that breed fear and prejudice. If adults talk about a group being dangerous, it is hardly surprising that children fear the group. Young people may be aware of dangers, but the dangers need to be based on reality, not prejudice.
• Children can be informed about world situations, like wars, but they don't need to hear endless talk about them.