How to stay calm in difficult situations

What happens in the brain?

When we feel threatened, the body's automatic and unconscious defenses take over.

The smoke detectors go off

There are two places in the brain responsible for sensing danger and preparing the body to fight or run away from the danger. These places are called almonds and they can be compared to two smoke detectors that beep when they detect smoke and thus let you know that you are in danger.

All systems will be operational

When the smoke detectors go off, stress hormones are released into the body to prepare it to deal with this danger. Physical reactions include, for example, shallower and faster breathing, sweaty palms and an increased heart rate. The blood rushes to the limbs, our voice may change, the throat tightens, the jaw becomes stiff and some people become red in the cheeks.

The ability to make good decisions decreases

In this state, the neural pathways responsible for making complex decisions are shut down. We stop being able to see things from multiple angles, to use logic and make informed decisions. Our memory also fails us and we stop being able to recall memories that help us calm down.

Nothing gets through except the noise in the smoke detectors. The automatic defense response in the nervous system takes over and tells us that we are in danger.

How do I calm down?

You can prevent your automatic response from taking over when you feel threatened.

Instead of attacking or running away, you can learn to calm your nervous system when needed, thereby maintaining your ability to make informed and good decisions.

Allow the discomfort

When you encounter a conflict or a threatening situation, you feel your body tense up. You might have a cold sweat or a little knot in your stomach. Your body is on alert to respond to the threat and get you out of this uncomfortable situation in the only way it knows how: fight or flight.

Try to be stronger and make a decision to allow this uncomfortable feeling to be there for a while. It's hard but you can do hard things. Unpleasant feelings are not as dangerous as they want you to believe.

Breathe

Take a deep breath and use your breath to stay connected to your body so your automatic brain doesn't take over. Breathing controls your body and you can control your breathing.

When injured people arrive at the emergency room, scared and in pain, their breath is very shallow and all systems are activated. Doctors and nurses repeatedly remind them to breathe deeply because such breathing calms the body, which ultimately calms the brain.

Change your thinking

Negative thoughts are like smoke to the smoke detectors. They maintain the condition in the body. To stay calm, we need to focus our thoughts on something other than who is right and who is wrong. Does being right really matter so much? Is it more important than being safe? To calm the brain, we need to stop making smoke.

Practice

With exercise, you will be able to bring your body and brain into balance sooner, even in threatening situations. And you're much better at resolving conflicts when you manage to turn off the smoke detectors. Then you are able to listen, analyze information, recall memories and make informed decisions.

Don't give up even if you fail, it's normal. Be kind to yourself and try again next time.